Five DVDs I Have to Watch Because I Bought Them

I have nothing to write about today. Seriously, my well is dry. I've been Googling random things, hoping something would inspire me. The inescapable conclusion is that there is nothing of note happening out in the world today. Or that my brain has rusted shut. One of those two things has got to be true.

For some reason, I can't stop thinking about cake balls.


Which are not how to tell the boy cakes from the girl cakes.

 I don't know why. I want to try making them. You crumble up a cake, you glop in some frosting, you make little balls and coat 'em in more glop, and voila: Cake balls. Sounds delicious and messy. But other than that, not much to write about there. At least not until I actually try them and can recount my hilarious failure.


It won't be nearly this cute, I promise.

 So I've turned instead to the #1 rule of bloggers everywhere: When you can't think of anything to write about, make a list. And make it subjective, so you don't have to do any research.


Also, lots of pictures that are vaguely related to what you just said.

 Here, then, is my list of movies that I need to watch by the end of the year. The "by the end of the year" part is because that's just over two months away and is a nice timeframe to shoot for. For which to shoot. No, that sounds dumb. Anyway, if I don't give myself a deadline, I'll continue to do what I've been doing for months and in some cases years:  Leave brand-new, never-been-watched DVDs, which I have actually purchased but have not watched, to rot in a drawer like big fat wastes of money.

That's right, this is a list of movies I bought - either because I already knew I liked the movie or because it was one I wanted to see - and didn't bother to view. Ever. Some of them are still in shrink wrap, waiting for me to give enough of a crap to even look inside the case. But I will. It's a matter of principle. And it's something to write about on a day when I'm completely and utterly lacking in imagination. Remember, none of you is paying to read this.


On the other hand, writing a blog is like owning a computer
that vomits Benjamins, yo.

 Eh. So here's the list, in order of me remembering what they are.

Love Actually. I bought the DVD of this 2003 romantic comedy starring every photogenic actor in England because I saw the movie in the theatre and loved it. I also loved the soundtrack, although I don't remember a single damn song now. (Checks IMDB listing). Oh, yeah, it had "God Only Knows." No wonder. I'd watch a damn Transformers movie if it had "God Only Knows" on the soundtrack. Or not. Anyway, I thought I'd enjoy watching this movie over and over for its sweet humor and romantic plotlines. Shows you what I know about what I enjoy.

Gone with the Wind. Are you kidding? I love this movie. That's why I bought it. If it's on TV, I can't resist sitting down and watching it. That's why I've never opened the DVD. (Aside: When the 60th anniversary of GWTW rolled around, I got to see it in a movie theatre, with no commercials, no edits, and a real intermission. If you ever get the chance to see it with an audience, go for it.)

Snakes on a Plane. Samuel L. Jackson and a bunch of mother-f***ing snakes. I swore I would see this movie when it came out in 2006, and I didn't. It was that kind of year. So I got it on DVD because I wanted to see it so bad. That bad boy is still shrink-wrapped. Waiting. Now it's personal.

Star Wars. First of all, let's get this out of the way. It's called Star Wars, not A New Hope, and it's the first movie, not the fourth. George Lucas, you can try to screw with the minds of our nation's youth as much as you want, but you can't erase the memories of millions of middle-aged people who were kids when this movie blew our minds in 1977. I don't know why I even bought this damn DVD. Spike shows all six movies on a nearly continuous loop for a week before and after every holiday, no matter how minor. I had some vague notion of owning it for posterity's sake. I would have been better off hunting down a bootleg copy of the Star Wars Christmas special.

Phantom of the Opera. Don't give me that Andrew Lloyd Webber crap. I'm talking about the Lon Chaney silent version from 1925. Great movie. But I impulse-bought some crappy bargain-bin DVD that I just know will be of inferior quality with a tacked-on soundtrack someone lifted from the public domain. I just hate that. I need to spring for the Milestone Collection edition with the original soundtrack and lots of extra goodies. I'll watch my cheap-o DVD because I said I would, but after that it becomes a drink coaster.

I'll bet I have more DVDs than these, sitting at home, living useless lives because I won't watch them. Maybe enough for another list on another day when my brain breaks. But now I have a mission. I'll watch these movies, every last one. Hey, I'll make PDaughter sit down and watch them with me. Then we'll make cake balls. One of them is bound to be an entertaining experience.

Maybe we'll make the cake balls first. Mmmm, cake balls. Sweet.