Thursday, September 15, 2011

My Primitive Club, However, Comes with a USB Connection

A couple of days ago in this space I called my Beloved Spouse a technological Cro-Magnon.

Albeit the most interesting Cro-Magnon in the world.
 This didn't bother him at all. He was a lot more bothered that I had mentioned our S-E-X life, but I pointed out that I don't use his real name or mine on this blog, and then he pointed out that a lot of our friends read this blog and know it's us, and then I pointed out yeah, but I would just be telling our friends the same shit if I didn't have a blog. Then he got a strange look on his face and wandered off to watch "Dark Matters" on Science.

I think I won that one.

Anyway, fair is fair. I'm about to admit something that makes me sound like Wilma Flintstone myself. Two things, actually. OK, three, if you want to really want to go there. And by Wilma Flinststone, of course I'm talking about technological savvy. In all other areas, I'm a total Betty.

Three toes on each foot and no knees.
 So here we go. I just found out that I can surf the Web using our Wii.

One day we'll all be able to harness the power of the Komputor in our homes.
 I think this is the coolest thing I've ever seen in my life. I can Facebook, or check e-mail, or write this very blog, on my TV using a game console. Didn't know that until last night, when I actually did it. There, I'm pathetic.

Did you know they don't put tubes in TVs any more, either?
 But wait, there's more. The reason I didn't know I could surf the Web on our Wii until last night is that we didn't own a Wii until a month ago. According to Precocious Daughter, everyone on the planet owned a Wii before we did. I happen to know there are plenty of people on the planet who not only don't have a Wii, but if one fell out of the sky, they would gladly trade it for shoes or clean water. Some of those people don't even have cell phones. And on an intellectual level, PDaughter knows this as well. But while recognizing that she is extremely fortunate to be who and where she is and enjoy the relative abundance she does, within the subset of people who make up her peers, she was the last person on the planet to own a Wii.

And she has a point. I should also mention that we bought a PlayStation 2 after the PlayStation 3 was released and an XBox after the Xbox 360 came out. And now I've bought a Wii after Nintendo has announced its successor, Wii U, but before it's actually been released. Which has to be some kind of victory, right? No, still pretty pathetic.

In addition, I unironically think teletype art is awesome.
Try that on a smartphone.
 My third technology fail is that the reason I'm so jacked up over using the Wii to connect to the Internet is that my laptop died a couple of weeks ago. That's not so bad in itself - I got a ton of use out of it over four years, and since it didn't cost me a penny (it was the spoils of a management coup) my return on investment was officially infinite.

But since it went belly-up, I've had to share BelSpouse's computer. And by "share," I mean been "stage raids on the computer whenever he gets up to go to the bathroom." I'm like a fly landing on a slice of pie. He has to shoo me away every time he leaves his chair for a minute. I can't help it. I'm having constant-online-access withdrawal. That's pathetic.

But I can quit any time I want.
 I'll replace the laptop later, probably when the Christmas sales start, which should be any second now. But now that I have a Wii, and can get on the Internet using the Wii, I can satisfy my Internet craving whenever I want. Unless somebody in the house actually wants to play Wii games on the Wii. How silly. Don't they know there's this thing called a Game Boy now?

Cro-Magnons, I tell you.

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