Thursday, September 1, 2011

I'd Like You to Meet My Tiny Forks

A couple of times a week I eat Simply Asia noodle bowls.

In fact, here's what I'm having today.
They're cheap, they're yummy, and you have to assemble the ingredients, so I actually feel as if I'm almost-sort-of preparing real food. What you get is a little plastic bowl with separate packets of soft noodles, dried veggies, sauce, and topping, which you mix with a little water and then nuke.

Also, you get a tiny fork.

Dr. Livingstone among the Pygmy forks.
They're so cute, these tiny forks. I don't use them, though, because even though I have small, stubby hands, I find them to be laughably inadequate for eating. The forks, people, not the hands.

My hands are awesome.
I don't know why I started saving the forks. It seemed pretty harsh to just discard them because they're small. They're not men, after all. Other than their diminutive size, they're perfectly cromulent forks. So I began to keep them in a nook on my desk. And now I have a collection.

Choreography by Florenz Ziegfork.
 Aren't they lovely? Don't I have a lot of time on my hands?

There's got to be something I could do with my tiny fork army.  I'll bet they could be arranged into something artistic:

Also looks sort of like a freaky ribcage, no?
 Maybe something practical:

It's a trivet! Or maybe a potholder.
I never was good at crafts in Girl Scouts.
 Ooh, I'll bet I could create some tasteful fork porn:

Maybe something a little friskier, too:

Or I could recreate famous works of art! Like "The Scream":

Or "American Gothic":

Or Magritte's "The Son of Man":

And of course, Leonardo's "The Last Supper":

 Oh, it's accurate; I take my fork art very seriously:

I may be on to something here. I could waste so much time arranging my tiny forks into vague approximations of things. Music videos. Movie scenes. Obscure sexual positions. I may have found my calling. Not so impressive, as it turns out. Kind of sad. Eh.

This isn't over, people. I'm going to keep eating noodle bowls and collecting tiny forks. You've been warned.


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