Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Won't Someone Please Steal These Ideas?

Dear Hollywood Creative Types:

If none of you out there has already thought of it, please feel free to act upon any of these casting choices for your next big-budget biopic. I don't need compensation, or credit. Really. I just want to see one (or more) of these roles up on the screen. I promise to go see the movie, even if it's terrible, and to encourage all my friends to do the same. Not saying that it will be terrible, mind you. But even if it is, I'll at least shell out for a matinee. And if you want to give me a small credit - maybe after second-unit catering but before the "no animals were harmed during the making of this motion picture" thing - that's great, too. No pressure, though. Ars gratia artis, and all that. Or a walk-on part. OK. Thanks.

Robert Mitchum, played by Robert Downey, Jr.
Clark Gable, played by Johnny Depp.
Cary Grant, played by George Clooney.

James Stewart, played by Stephen Colbert.

Peter Sellers, played by Colin Firth.

James Cagney, played by Leonardo Dicaprio.

Robert Redford, played by Owen Wilson.

Steve McQueen, played by Daniel Craig.

Anthony Perkins, played by Andrew Garfield.

Harpo Marx, played by Michael Cera.
  P.S. Or being Mr. Downey's personal assistant or Mr. Firth's masseuse...that would be thanks enough. I mean it.


  1. I agree with all except Owen Wilson playing Robert Redford. If you cannot use the original Robert Redford, the movie should not be made. Period. I don't care how leathery he is these days. No substitute Redfords, please. Only the original.


  2. I must agree. Owen Wilson is no Robert Redford. I also don't know Andrew Garfield, so I can't comment on that choice. The rest of your casting ideas are brilliant!


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