Tuesday, August 30, 2011

What Does It Mean?

There's a guy working in my building today who looks exactly like Paul Vasquez, aka the Double Rainbow Guy:

He of my favorite viral video evah:

I have personally seen a double rainbow, and yes, it is intense. Even without whatever drugs he obviously had in his system at the time.

Anyway, this guy is on-site to do some kind of construction work, which seems to be going on constantly  here. I don't think they actually finished this building before they started leasing it out to tenants. They just put up a building-shaped shell and slapped some ugly-ass mirrored panels on the outside and declared it "prime leasable space." Which means "a certain number of walls and perhaps a few doors, oh and an HVAC system that functions according to a quantum algorithm we haven't quite figured out. If you want electrical outlets that'll be $250 each." But I digress.

Oh, you want windows? You can't afford windows.
 The point is, I see construction crews wandering around every week, but this is the first time I've seen Guy Who Looks Like Double Rainbow Guy. I was going to sneak up and take a picture of him to post, only he weighs around 250 pounds and likely could pound me flat with one meaty fist. I mean, he's probably a total teddy bear and treats his mother well, but I'm not going to take that chance just for a photo. Trust me, he looks just like Double Rainbow Guy without the beads in his beard.

Now, however, I'm a little obsessed with the idea that he might actually be Double Rainbow Guy. Who knows, maybe the whole living in the mountains and crying at rainbows thing didn't work out. Maybe he had to find a way to make a real living, and he decided to become a construction worker in Dallas. That might have been his lifelong dream, but life took an unexpected turn and he ended up in a tent in Yosemite with a whole bunch of killer weed and a camcorder. It could happen to any of us.

I could have been a professional snake wrangler
if I hadn't turned out to be sane.
Do you think I should ask him? Something like, "Hey, your name wouldn't happen to be Paul Vasquez, aka Double Rainbow Guy, would it?" Because I love saying "aka." It sounds so spyish. Or I could go more subtle and ask him if he's sobbed at any natural light-refracting phenomena lately. Or if he has any really good weed. Of course, if he really is just a construction guy, he probably does. I've known my share of construction guys, and they all smoked dope. Not that you should be concerned abou the integrity of any home or office building you currently occupy.

Plus, the electrical is all organic and it smells like clouds.
I think I'll just let Guy Who Looks Like Double Rainbow Guy go about his business. It's more fun to pretend he might be an in cognito Internet celebrity than to find out he's just a big anonymous dude with a beard. Safer, too, what with the meaty fist factor. But if it starts raining, and I notice him going outside, I'm definitely going to follow him to see what he does. He might start crying. Or he might just light up a fattie. Either way, I'm cool with that.

Always Drunk would like to remind readers that many drugs are in fact illegal. And many are not. Choose well.

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