Texas Legislature Fails to Ground Commercial Flights

So the special legislative session in Austin has finally come to an end, and Gov. Rick "Don't Touch My Junk" Perry's pet anti-groping bill failed to become law.

In case you didn't read my earlier post on the topic, in a nutshell, Gov. Perry hates America. That's possibly over-simplified. Let me say it another way: Dick (damn sticky keyboard) Perry thinks the federal Transportaton Security Administration is overstepping its authority in the states through its controversial pat downs, which are an alternative to its controversial full-body scans. So he reintroduced a previously failed bill that would have made inappropriate touching during a security check a misdemeanor. Also, he couldn't stop giggling at the thought of the Texas Legislature debating a measure that contained the words "anus," "sexual organ," 'buttocks," and "breast."


"I yield the floor to my distinguished colleague, Rep. Beavis."

Never mind that the TSA threatened to shut down commercial air travel in Texas if we were going to start arresting federal agents. Gov. Perry flies by private jet, so neither his naughty bits nor his travel schedule were going to be disrupted.
The conservative majority of the Legislature would like you to know that the anti-groping bill did not fail to pass because of lack of support. It failed because too many of its supporters buggered off and went home early to allow it to come up for a final vote. As the bill's author, Rep. David Simpson (R-Longview), said, "As long as there is tyranny we must never cease to oppose it." Unless it makes you late for happy hour.


American gin is very patriotic.

The New American ran this hilarious article today about the heroic and tragic defeat of the bill, which I totally didn't know some conservatives were calling the Travelers' Dignity bill until I read it here. That's awesome. It's like the Alamo, which Rep. Simpson did not fail to compare to his brave doomed anti-groping measure. Because as all Texas schoolchildren know, just before Davy Crockett perished, he cried out, "Don't touch my anus, sexual organ, buttocks, or breast, dude!"

Then he demonstrated proper
TSA procedure on a bear.

Anyway, the bad news is the TSA is free to continue its ineffective and intrusive pat downs in Texas airports until the next legislative session begins in January 2013. The good news is the state gets to enjoy a reprieve from being a national laughingstock until January 2013.
By the way, Gov. Perry's other "emergency item" for the special session - the bill that would have outlawed sanctuary cities in Texas - also died from neglect. In a bit of poetic justice, a last-ditch attempt to graft the sanctuary language onto a school finance bill was abandoned out of fear that the finance bill wouldn't pass with the language attached. Those of you who live in Texas may remember the school finance bill: It was the reason the special session was called in the first place.

Bye-bye, 82nd Legislature. 'Til we meet again, fly safe.