Monday, May 9, 2011

For My Daddy

It's funny how my mind works some days.  I started out to write a post about how strange it is that the celebrity whose hair, makeup, and clothing I'd most like to emulate is...

Maybe not the soul patch, but most everything else.
Let's face it, for a 63-year-old rock star, Steven Tyler is a total MILF.  I really don't think I, as a forty-cough-cough-year-old wife and mother, could pull off his look.

I'd kill to have that body and shine, though.
 So I started down that path, but then I got a crazy thought:  My dad is pretty close to Steven's age.  What would he look like if he had Steven's face - or, to put it another way, what would Steven Tyler look like if he, like my dad, didn't have the hair, the wardrobe, the nips and tucks? 

The answer I came up with was this:

...which I thought was just too freaking hilarious not to share.

Now, when my dad isn't wearing Steven Tyler's face, I think he's a pretty good looking dude.  I'm not going to show you what he looks like, because I have a feeling this whole post is going to irritate him enough without revealing his identity to the world.  But that's his hairline, his neck, his Wisconsin foliage in the background.  Trust me, he doesn't look anything like Steven Tyler (who, I never realized before this exercise, has a mildly horrifying nose).

Anyway, then I decided to go whole hog and mash up Dad's face with a bunch of celebrities, just to see what that would be like.  Interestingly, one that I'm not going to post here (although I'll e-mail it to him later) is the mashup with Robert Duvall.  Why not? Because my dad looks exactly freaking like Robert Duvall! Seriously, when I put his face on Dad's picture, I ended up with a picture dad.  I'm pretty sure Dad didn't make his film debut as Boo Radley in To Kill a Mockingbird, but after seeing that photo it might be worth checking out.  He could be holding out on me.

So here's Dad wearing the face of his personal idol, Ted Nugent:

Let me tell you how glad I am not to have grown up with that.
And speaking of crazy people, here's Dad as Tom Cruise:

Still looks better than he looked in Tropic Thunder.
 And how about this vice-presidential shot?

Uh, still speaking of crazy, I guess.
Another actor my dad resembles is Jack Nicholson - not just in looks but in, er, general disposition.

He can't quite pull of the eyebrow thing, however.
And maybe just a touch of Carroll O'Connor as Archie Bunker:

I don't recall Sammy Davis, Jr. ever dropping by the house.
If Elvis were alive, he might look something like my dad...

 And if Charlie Sheen lives long enough, he might, too.

I really like this one. :)
OK, I've probably done enough damage to my inheritance at this point.  I love you, Daddy, and I'm glad you look like you and not one of these other guys.  And if you ever do get the urge to start wearing velvet shirts and scarves like Steven Tyler, please go fishing until the feeling passes.

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