You can always tell who's going to grow up to be a dope-smoking, booze-swilling, promiscuous, obnoxious douchebag. Just look at 'em, these dregs of humanity. All of them degenerates in their own way. Clearly they never had a chance to be normal, and obviously they never accomplished anything in their lives.
Someone should have taken a good look at these early photos and known what was coming. Parents, if your children look like any of these, beware. You don't know what could become of them.
1. Sex-crazed old geezer who lives in a mansion surrounded by scantily-clad pinups clamoring to get into his magazine (and his dressing gown).
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| Hugh Hefner |
2. Comedian who lived fast, died young, left a drug-bloated corpse and a briefcase full of blues.
 |
| John Belushi |
3. Small-town Texas girl and hard-core drug addict; could sing a little.
 |
| Janis Joplin |
4. Spoiled rich hotel heiress with a criminal record and a history of wild sex and drug romps.
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| Paris Hilton |
5. Unrepentant pothead rapper and perpetrator of the phrase "fo shizzle" on an unsuspecting world.
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| Snoop Dogg (ne Calvin Broadus) |
6. Serial addict and manic-comic-turned-actor-in-bad-movies-turned-Oscar-winner (surely was high when choosing to film
Toys and
Patch Adams).
 |
| Robin Williams |
7. Has-been actor and raging alcoholic, inexplicably popular in Germany.
 |
| David Hasselhoff |
8. Washed-up diva, crack user, reality-TV star, and (alleged) lip-syncher of the National Anthem.
 |
| Whitney Houston |
9. Demon-loving rocker who brags of decades of promiscuity and introducing young people to over-the-top stage theatrics.
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| Gene Simmons (ne Gene Klein) |
10. Drug-addict suicidal rock star who left behind a wife and daughter and changed the course of popular music.
 |
| Kurt Cobain |
11. Foul-mouthed scumbag radio broadcaster with no redeeming qualities and the most popular show on satellite radio.
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| Howard Stern |
12. Shameless dope-smoking outlaw hippie country music singer of marginal influence (apparently shown here in the earliest-known prototype football helmet).
 |
Willie Nelson
(Trivia fact: Willie is not short for anything;
it's his birth name.) |
13. Early rock-and-roll singer, star of 32 of the worst movies ever made, died of a drug-fueled heart attack while sitting on the john.
 |
| Elvis Presley |
14. Son of a Navy admiral, then wrote "Light My Fire" and became (in order) a bad poet, sex symbol, and dead rock legend by age 27.
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| Jim Morrison |
15. Unstable pop singer who struggled through years of eating disorders before dying of a heart attack at 32.
 |
| Karen Carpenter |
16. Slacker, drug user, indifferent businessman, not very bright. Tried a career in politics.
 |
| George W. Bush |
17. And, of course, Charlie Sheen.
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