Wednesday, January 12, 2011


Oh, how I hate to be cold.

I'm shivering.  When I shiver, my muscles tense up.  My jaw clenches.  My neck gets sore.  It's very unpleasant, and on top of it all, I'm cold.  Which I hate being.

We're having a cold snap in Dallas right now.  It's 32 degrees as I write this.  So I'm not just whining when I say it's freezing here.  I'm whining, but I'm not just whining.  It is, literally, freezing. 

The normal high temperature for this time of year is 87 degrees.  OK, not really.  It's 53, which means it's 20 degrees below normal.  Is it 20 degrees below normal where you are?  I'll bet it's not, so sympathize with me or shut up.  Being cold makes me very cranky.

I'm not even outside.  I'm inside, where the central heat is going, and I'm wearing a fuzzy cashmere sweater.  Cashmere - the soft downy wool of a goat's underbelly.  Have you ever seen a cold goat?  Meh.  Still it's not enough to keep me warm.  If a goat walked in here right now, I'd kick it.  It would probably kick me back, and bite me in the hiney for good measure.  So you should not ever tick off a goat.  Clearly, my judgment is impaired by the cold.

Now, Dallas cold snaps typically are short-lived.  The temperature will be back to normal, and then some, within a few days.  Before you know it I'll be complaining about how damn hot it is (did you know the average temperature here in August is 136 degrees?  You do not need to independently verify this.)  But none of that matters right now.  Being cold is not a big-picture thing; it shrinks your focus down to two and only two things:  getting warm and wondering how goosebumps got their name.  (My mom used to call them goosepimples, which just conjures up disturbing mental images, doesn't it?)

Maybe I'll build a fire tonight.  Our fireplace gets used maybe four times a year, but tonight could be one of those times.  I think we have some wood.  Our coffee table is made of wood, if it should come to that.  I'm pretty sure the tree in our front yard is made of wood.  I'm not what you call "nature-y."  A minute ago I thought it would be a good idea to kick a goat.  What do I know? 

But in the meantime, I'm shivering.  Don't think about it.  It's actually a lot warmer in here than it was a couple of weeks ago when my office had no heat.  And it's probably good exercise, the shivering.  Isometrics, or some such.  See, gotta stay positive.  Think warm thoughts and...hey...don't I still have half a bottle of Irish Cream from Christmas?

I feel warmer already.

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