Friday, October 2, 2009

Songs I Don't Ever Have to Hear Again

There are songs I could literally listen to every day of my life and never get tired of them - Dave Brubeck's "Take Five," George Harrison's "My Sweet Lord," Jason Mraz' "I'm Yours." Then there are songs that, thank you very much, I would be perfectly happy to never hear again. Ever. It's not necessarily that they're bad songs (although some of them are), it's not even that they've been played into the ground and I'm tired of them (although some of them have). I just...don't need to hear them again. I'm done with them. They're like acid-wash jeans or banana clips: I just want them to be gone and stay gone.

Now, I understand that if you're younger than, say, me, this list may not mean much to you. Far from being tired of these songs, you've never even heard them. Or you've heard them once or twice and even that was too much. Fine. I'll bet you have your own list of songs that you just don't ever have to hear again - and I'll bet that I'd agree with some of your choices, if I had any idea what they were....

Here's my list, in no particular order:
(The list that follows is my opinion. I'd probably be just as pissed off at yours if you made one. So let's just call it even and not engage in any "how could you say that about [insert mediocre song here]?" silliness.)

1. "Wonderful Tonight," Eric Clapton. I don't care whether it's an actual heartfelt ode to Patti Boyd or a sarcastic diatribe. It's slow and boring. Clapton has recorded way too much kick-ass music to waste time with this stuff.

2. "All I Wanna Do," Sheryl Crow. This song is about people I wouldn't want to hang out with. Don't want to listen to a song about them, either. And except for the chorus, you can't sing along, which makes it pretty pointless to me.

3. "Sweet Home Alabama," Lynyrd Skynyrd. I've been hearing this damn song since 1973, and I've had enough. I like that it's an answer song to Neil Young's "Southern Man" ("Well, I heard Mr. Young sing about us/Well, I heard old Neil put us down"), but even that can't make me sit through it when it comes on the radio. The guitar riff is still great - thank God for Kid Rock and "All Summer Long" for putting it in a fresh setting.

4. "Smells Like Teen Spirit," Nirvana. I don't think Nirvana is a bad band, but I do think they're one of the most over-hyped bands ever. They were in the right place at the right time, and this was the right song for its moment. They influenced a hundred other bands who easily eclipsed their talent and impact.

5. "Bleeding Love," Leona Lewis. I don't even know what this song means. And I could live to a ripe old age lacking that knowledge and not missing it.

6. "Hotel California," the Eagles. Actually, with the exception of "Desperado," I don't ever need to hear another song by the Eagles, period. I don't think that's possible on this planet, but that's what I would ask our alien overlords if they granted me one final wish before enslaving the Earth.

7. "Brown-Eyed Girl," Van Morrison. This song was popular before I was born. I'm sure it holds all kinds of wonderful memories for people who were around when it was new. My memories of it mostly involve hearing it for the 6,845th time and wishing they'd play something from Astral Weeks instead.

8. "Another Brick in the Wall," Pink Floyd. Tell me one song featuring singing children that I should ever listen to again. I dare you.

9. "Boulevard of Broken Dreams," Green Day. A fine song, really. I have nothing against it. I've just heard it enough. It's sort of boring, you know?

10. That song by that David Cook guy. I don't even know the name of it. But it can go away.

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