Labor Day may be the perfect holiday. I don't have to go to church, or wave a flag, or buy gifts, or send cards, or cook, or pretend to be having a good time with people who are only pretending to have a good time with me. I get a three-day weekend, and my only sort-of obligation is to be glad that I still have a job from which to get a day off. Labor Day, ironically enough, is a holiday that promotes sloth.
Even if, like too many people these days, I didn't have a job, I could still participate in the lack of festivities, because Labor Day celebrates everyone who has ever worked. That's nearly everyone except Paris Hilton and some members of the Bush family. I don't know how they're going to spend the next three days, but here are some activities (and I use the term loosely) that I've got planned.
1. Lost marathon. Beloved Spouse, Precocious Daughter, and I have been working our way through the DVDs for the last couple of months. I love all the mysteries on the show - who are the Others? what is the Dharma Initiative? will Sawyer take his shirt off this week? We may not get caught up before Season 6 airs in February, but we're going to put a dent in the backlog this weekend. Watched one episode and some cool bonus features as of Sunday night.
2. Dance Dance Revolution. This is my favorite workout - hopping around like a zombie on Ecstasy to Japanese dance music. You would laugh hysterically if you watched me, which is why no one I know (besides BelSpouse and PDaughter) will ever, ever watch me. Should be doing this right now instead of blogging.
3. Tiling the shower. This has been my evening and weekend project for a while now. It's been a learning experience. I've learned that shower stalls and tiles are mismatched in the great tradition of hot dogs and buns - why the hell don't they manufacture them to come out even? If I work really hard this weekend, I may get to the point where I've installed all the full-size tiles I can and will have to rent a wet saw to cut pieces to fit the rest. For some reason, I will consider this an accomplishment. Discovered I can make small cuts using a hacksaw with a carbide blade - yay! Bathroom floor covered in gritty tile dust.
4. Drinking vodka. More enjoyable than cutting bathroom tiles. And since I can only do one or the other (at the insistence of those fingers that wish to stay attached to my hands), I can drink with a clear conscience. Check.
5. Laundry. Because no holiday is worth running out of clean underwear. Ironically, have washed everything except undies.
6. Sleeping in. It's a wonderful feeling to get up early, hit the ground running, and complete all the errands and chores of the day before noon. Maybe I'll experience it someday. But not this weekend. I've been up by 9:00 on both Saturday and Sunday, but it beats watching the sun rise.
7. Long walks. They make the dog happy, they're good for me, they're relaxing. If they gave me an orgasm, they'd be the perfect activity. Dog is getting used to daily long walks. Could be setting dangerous precedent.
8. Eating junk food. I can't imagine going three days without junk food at any time of the year, so there's no point in pretending that this won't happen at some point this weekend. One night of that was enough. It was the same night as the vodka, interestingly enough.
9. Calling my parents. The closest thing to hard work on this list (with apologies to Mom and Dad). Had a lovely conversation with the 'rents. Invited them to read my blog. Now why did I do that?
10. Blogging. Truth, justice, and narcissism never take a holiday, people. Check!
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