What I Would Do with $759 Million

So yeah, one middle-aged lady in Massachusetts hit the Powerball jackpot for $759,000,000.00

Plus complimentary chips and salsa, and I really don't know
why the Powerball folks don't advertise that perk more.

Of course, she won't actually get that amount.

She's taking the lump-sum option, which comes to about $480 million.

After subtracting 40% for taxes (assuming she doesn't immediately set up some sweeeet tax shelters, which I sincerely hope she does), she ends up with "only" $288 million.

Or more than 100x what I can reasonably hope to earn in my lifetime unless I find some way to go viral, and soon.

Or unless I can successfully sue this little minx
for stealing the catchphrase that I totally coined in...
oh, let's say 2007.

Somehow, I think I could survive on $288 million for the next 40 years or so.

I'd need to carefully consider how I'd spend that much money, though. I mean, that's only about 10,000 Texas-in-August electric bills away from abject poverty. Don't want that.

So how exactly would I spend $288 million if it were to drop in my lap in a big, germ-riddled pile of dollar bills?

Let's see...

1. I would give my sister two million dollars. Because no one deserves financial independence more than she does. She's spent the last 10 years as a single mom raising four incredible kids into adults, always struggling but never complaining. I'd give her way more if she wanted it, but my opening offer would be $2 million. Balance: $286,000,000.00

2. I would give my alma mater an endowment of $100,000,000. That's name-a-building-after-me territory, right? That would be cool. But here's the thing: Because my alma mater is known primarily for its science and engineering programs, my endowment would be strictly to fund scholarships in majors such as liberal arts, communications, and education. I was taught by some amazing, internationally respected professors in humanities when I was there. Yet I was literally the only Arts & Humanities major in my graduating class. I'd like to give my university and the students who go there the opportunity for a world-class education in non-technical fields. Balance: $186,000,000.

3.I would buy a large, private lot in a mostly-developed suburb and build the house of our dreams. By "our," of course I mean Drummer Boy and me. With Precocious Daughter about to start her senior year of high school, DB and I are finally within shouting distance of living together and beginning the rest of our lives together. And while I am a city girl at heart, and would adore buying a townhouse or high-rise apartment in the heart of Dallas or New York or Miami, my gut tells me that what I really want is privacy, and freedom, and the ability to have a home that is loud and funky and filled with pets. So I think I'd choose a large piece of land in or near a big city, and I'd custom-build a house that is perfect for us. Somewhere DB can set up all his drum kits and pound them to his heart's content. Somewhere I can have dogs and cats and tortoises and monitor lizards without worrying they'll be a nuisance. Somewhere I can let friends and relatives crash without cramping my style. Somewhere I can pay people to clean and maintain, because I'm a freaking multi-millionaire. Yeah. Let's say $5 million for that. Balance: $180,000,000 (including a million bucks for the unlimited decorating budget I've always dreamed about.)

4. I want cars. Like, I want a fully-restored 1968 VW Beetle. I want a vintage BMW 325i. I want a cute little Mini to zip around in and a freaking practical Subaru crossover to carry shit home from IKEA. I want DB to have whatever he wants...even if it's a motorcycle, which scares me to death. Let's say $500,000 in costs and insurance. Balance: $179,500,000.

5. Lest I forget...I need some kind of fund, investment, annuity to ensure me a yearly income. I don't know the details...that's what financial advisors are for. Thinking I'll need to invest $20 million to achieve a decent annual income. Balance: $159,500,000.

6. Um...charity. Let's say $100,000,000. For Planned Parenthood. For UNICEF. For Heifer International. For AMFAR. For whatever. Just one hundred million dollars for those who don't have one hundred million dollars. Balance: $59,500,000.

7. A scholarship fund for PDaughter's school district. So many good kids who don't necessarily belong to the upper middle class/white majority. Here's $50 million to help some of those kids who might be first-time graduates. You guys rock. Balance: $9,500,000.

8. Slush fund: How freaking cool would it be to have a bank account purely for farting around and spending money on things you thought were cool - from autographed celebrity bullshit to dropping $100 bills into the boots of firemen who are collecting for charity? A million for that, all day long. Balance: $8,500,00,00.

9. And the rest?  Hell, I'd give that to any political party that could guarantee the United States of America would never again elect a racist, fascist, elitist, unqualified nobody to be our President.

Or I'd spend it on booze and eBay finds.

Whatever.

How about you?