Thursday, January 14, 2016

Out to Dry

My washer and dryer live next to my bedroom, so I can hear them running.

I did a load of laundry earlier this evening, then put the wet clothes into the dryer.

Since these are new appliances to me, I'm continually experimenting with their various settings to determine which are the best for my needs. And they have more settings than the W/D I owned previously (which apparently were pretty basic and are now with my almost-ex, and good riddance).

These are beautiful and somewhat intimidating.

So the dryer has two different drying modes. You can choose an amount of time you want it to run, or you can choose a "less dry/normal dry/more dry" mode. And that apparently involves sorcery.

For the last half-hour, I've listened to my dryer run...then stop...then run...then stop...then run. I guess it's somehow sensing whether the clothes are dry and then starting up again? Or perhaps just fucking with me because it knows I can hear it? Honestly, I don't know.

Leaning toward sorcery, though.

All I know is that I set it to "normal dry," and it's now making decisions independent of me as to whether my work clothes are actually "normally" dry or not. Apparently they are wanting in the normally dry department, because every few minutes the dryer restarts itself to tumble my shirts and slacks for a few more minutes.

I think we all know the obvious question: Are there gnomes living inside the dryer who emerge from those little holes in the rotating drum to evaluate (or judge) the moisture conditions of my clothing?


Why did I never know about this phenomenon before? I've been doing laundry for years. Are dryer gnomes a recent phenomenon, or am I simply out of the loop, magical-laundry-dryness-sensing-creatures-wise?

I'm fine with dryer gnomes, actually.
All I know is that I find my nearly-sentient, moisture-sensing dryer to be a bit disconcerting.

Help... ?


  1. Yes, there are dryer gnomes. Stick with the timed dry. It makes them happier and leaves them with only one job. They just yell "EEEEENNGGGHHHHH!!!!" when the time is up.
    Actually my own dryer only stops when I open the door. I do this regularly because I've noticed that especially in the winter clothes will get dry long before the cycle is done.
    This is because there are frost demons outside sucking the humidity from the dryer vent.

  2. Dryer gnomes? Uh oh. What if my gnome has an underwear fetish? I swear to gawd, if he's been wearing my underwear before I take it out of the dryer, I'm going to ass fuck that creepy little bastard, with his pointy hat and a gardening tool. That perverted little twat had better hope I don't get my hands on any pruning shears.

  3. Well, they steal socks, I know that much. So probably has a foot fetish as well.


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