|Because they can be convincingly lifelike.|
|Uh...sure, I guess a few of us could jump into your mouth.|
You've never steered us wrong before.
|Everyone knew Mrs. Bates was a leftie.|
Just know that if I ever make any of these statements, I'm a goddamn alien, OK?
"I'm sorry, but there aren't enough grilled onions on my hamburger."
"I think my next dog will be a Shih Tzu, or perhaps a Pomeranian."
"Please accept this mixtape of my favorite songs by the Eagles."
"I would love to attend your Bible study, but next week you must attend mine."
"A cold glass of tomato juice sounds refreshing."
"If only Al Gore had won in 2000. He would have been the best President ever."
"I want a man who hasn't fallen for that feminism bullshit."
"I don't really listen to the lyrics."
"Winning a huge lottery jackpot just seems to create more problems than it solves."
"Just give me a full-size pickup truck and a case of Bud Light, and I'm a happy girl."
"Ted Cruz for President."
"I'm going to try steaming my vagina like Gwyneth Paltrow."
"I own way too many earrings."
"Let's go to Starbucks!"
Remain vigilant, Drunkards. They're out there.