Monday, January 12, 2015


I really want to write a book.

In fact, I've wanted to write a book since I was...six? Eight? I don't know, I can't really remember a time when I didn't want to be a writer. That fire has burned within me for decades, yet not much has come of it. So much real life has come between me and my aspiration.

Well...I guess, if I'm going to be honest, I have to say that a lot of self-created bullshit has come between me and my aspiration. I am my worst freaking enemy with regard to being the writer I want to be and always have been. If I could go back and do things differently...

...of course, I wouldn't. Because what if one tiny change to the way I've lived my life resulted in not having my Precocious Daughter? Or my Drummer Boy? Or simply surviving to my current age with my faculties intact?

Be careful what you wish for. For real.
All I have is what I have in front of me. The rest is memories and second guesses, and those things get you bupkus in the game of life. I need to embrace the stark fact that what I want lies in front of me or nowhere. Regrets of what I didn't accomplish in the past are dragons that want to consume me.

Dear dragons: Fuck you.

Yes, Smaug, even you.
In 2015, I want to finally write a book. I don't care if I don't have a publishing contract, or a million followers who might pre-order an e-book, or any of that. Because it's important to me, I want to write a book this year. And I want to sincerely believe that that's a good enough reason, even if no-freaking-body ever reads it.

I know I should do this. I just need to know what my book should be about.

Will you help?

Here are the topics I think I could write a whole book about. About which I think I could write a whole book. Whatever.

Let me know if any of these (or, you know, none of these) would be interesting to you.

  • A cookbook of my grandma's recipes, with plenty of anecdotes about what a dork I was as a child.
  • A semi-autobiographical account of how a completely mediocre girl from Milwaukee became a blogger single mom in only forty-some years.
  • A satirical first-person account of the last 50 years, told from the perspective of an aborted fetus.
  • An almost entirely fictional account of a little girl who wanted to be a Mouseketeer and found that international fame came at a heavy price.
  • A bunch of stories about growing up in the late 20th century without fully understanding what was going on.
  • A searing critique of Reagonomics and its legacy into the 21st century.

I really am going to pick one of these to write about in 2015. I totally invite you to vote on the subject you like (if you like any of them). Otherwise, I'm going to start penning a manuscript about something stupid.

LOL, j/k, they're all stupid.

Help me out, please. I have no idea what I'm doing.


  1. I pick the semi-autobiographical story about the Wisconsin born single-mother/blogger.

  2. I'm with AE, although as a wannabe cook, I also want to see the recipes ;)

  3. Aborted fetus for the win!

    I think anything you decide to write will be fabulous, and I will read the shit out of it. Hell, I'd even go so far as to purchase it instead of stealing it from the library!

    Whatever you decide to write about, the most important thing is that you like it. You're a very talented writer, so you've got that part down. Start with the first word and go from there. It'll be amazing!

  4. I like the Mousketeer novel and the recipe book. Good luck!!

  5. I have no idea what to vote for because none of them seem mutually exclusive. That is, it would be brilliant to have a cookbook of your grandmother's recipes with anecdotes about what a dork you were as a child serving as a preface to how you became a single mother and blogger, which includes a bunch of stories about growing up in the late 20th century with no clue what was going on but a good understanding of how destructive Reaganomics has been. All of it told from the perspective of an aborted fetus.

    Okay, I missed the Mouseketeer girl. Maybe she could be a chapter unto herself. Maybe the whole thing could be like Julian Barnes's A History Of The World In 10 and 1/2 Chapters, which is a novel of seemingly unrelated stories and a single very personal essay.

    All I can really offer is two promises:
    1. I will buy your book.
    2. I work for a library, and the library will also buy your book.

  6. The aborted foetus would suit me. I like stuff like that.

    What's bupkus?

  7. Memoir with recipes!


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