Sunday, April 6, 2014

My Cat Is Haunted

Last night I posted a bunch of random stuff here because I didn't have much to write about.


As shocking as it is to believe I would
do such a thing.
Anyway, I meant to include a picture of my senior kitty, the Tuxedo Cat, who had jumped onto my bed and allowed her picture to be taken. The Tuxedo Cat is mellowing as she gets older, but she's not an I-Love-You-and-Want-You-To-Take-Endless-Pictures-Of-Me kind of girl. She's more of an I-Shall-Grant-You-Clemency-And-Not-Murder-You-If-You-Photograph-Me-Now kind of cat.


She considers Grumpy Cat a media whore.
I just forgot to include the picture of Tuxedo Cat in the post because I was ranting about bras and candles. This morning I found it on my phone. Here it is.


*sigh* Capture my soul on your electronic device,
if you must.
She's a beautiful girl, and she looks lovely against the purple backdrop of my bedroom wall, if I do say so.

If you look very closely, you can see that yesterday's post is actually on my laptop screen, being written. Oh yeah, I'm pulling back the curtain on the creative process. It's like drinking with Hemingway, or vomiting on Hunter S. Thompson's shoes, or something.

Except when I looked closely, I saw something in the photo that wasn't actually there when I took it.


Prepare to be creeped out, people.

I don't know what that thing in the bottom right-hand corner is.

According to the laws of Basic Cable, anything in a photograph that can't immediately be identified is, by definition, a ghost.

Or, more likely, a ghost's straw boater. Belonging to a ghost
who really admires Jay Gatsby.
Tuxedo Cat is totally checking out a spectral manifestation that humans can only see when captured in a photograph. It's some kind of three-dimensional object floating in space beyond the perception of the living, unless you're a cat.

Wait, let's pretend we saw it on the night-vision scope.

Bathed in eerie green light = completely believable.
I've had ghosts following me around for years, so I'm not freaked out by the idea of sharing my home with spirits. It's just that my ghosts typically have been sound-oriented - you know, disembodied voices, strange whistles or moans, that kind of thing - rather than the spectral apparition type.

My ghosts are probably as physically graceful
as I am.
This leads me to believe that my hat-shaped visitor likely is a ghost belonging to Tuxedo Cat herself and was only visiting my room because she was there. She's a pretty stylin' cat; she would have a ghostly pal who resembled a handsome chapeau.

Or maybe just wore one.
I don't really know...ghost protocol.
SWIDT?
They seem to be buds in the photo. I would think cats and ghosts get along pretty well: they're both mysterious and secretive, and also mostly silent until they decide to randomly make a huge, unnerving ruckus for no logical reason.

Whatever. I love you. It's 3 a.m. Shut up.
So Tuxedo Cat brought her little ghosty friend into my room. No biggie. She's not the kind of cat to put up with any crap, so I'm guessing if this ghost decides to make trouble, she'll claw it back to its own dimension.

I'm kind of pleased to have gotten a picture of the two of them. It's not every day you get to photograph a ghost. Or a 15-year-old cat who mostly only comes out of her closet at feeding time. I feel doubly honored.

But if I start seeing the head that is wearing that hat, I may start randomly zooming around the house and crapping in a box. Because I think I just figured out that ghosts make cats insane.

I'm so getting my own cable show. I just need one of those cameras that make everything green.

4 comments:

  1. ...it's definitely a ghost.


    Or else, y'know, the reflection of your cell phone camera flash on the laptop screen.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My theory is vastly more entertaining than yours, sir. :P

      Delete
  2. I never thought about the similarities between ghosts and cats before, but then I realized that most of the time they both want to be left alone, only to occasionally and unexpectedly demand attention, usually at the worst possible times.

    But I feel I can tell ghosts to get lost, while I have a really hard time refusing any request from a cat.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Prepare to be freaked out as I use my mentalist skills...

    I predict you have a ceiling fan in your bedroom. I predict it was turned off when you were writing that old blog post.


    The meant-to-make-it-look-eerie green filter did the trick for me. Totally a ceiling fan, not a camera flash or ghost. Unless you are haunted by fan ghosts (a ghost who is your fan? *ba-dum-tss*). I'm sorry, I mostly just read through the whole post waiting to see if you figured it out or someone else had the same theory. There you go, that's my two cents.

    ReplyDelete

You're thinking it, you may as well type it. The only comments you'll regret are the ones you don't leave. Also, replies to threads make puppies grow big and strong.