Monday, July 16, 2012

Are You a Hipster?

Many people suspect they may be a hipster. Others secretly fear they may not be a hipster despite their best efforts. Perhaps you've been accused of being a hipster but lack empirical tools to dispute the allegations.

It's a sociocultural minefield.
Chill out. I'm an expert on hipsterism. My credentials are that I have a blog and I'm not a hipster myself and have little firsthand knowledge of them. That makes me an Internet authority.

So take this quiz and find out if you're a hipster. Just get over yourself and take it. You know you want to.

1. Do you enjoy taking Internet quizzes?
a. Dig 'em
b. Skip 'em
c. I only enjoy them ironically

2. Are you under 30?
a. Yes
b. No
c. What are you, a narc?

3. Are you wearing plaid anywhere on your body?
a. Yes
b. Yes, but it's a hair bow/my family tartan
c. I'm plaid on the inside

4. Have you ever referred to yourself as a hipster?
a. No
b. Probably
c. Yes, but ironically

5. Are you wearing a hat that is:
a. Inappropriate for the occasion, the weather, and/or the decade
b. Stylish yet practical
c. Just wearing a hat doesn't make you a hipster, you know

6. What are you listening to on your iPod?
a. Band your friend's sister's co-worker turned you on to
b. Your favorite band from high school
c. No one you would have ever heard of

7. What strength are the lenses in your glasses?
a. I'm pretty blind without them
b. They're bifocals
c. None of your damn business

8. What do you think about Pabst Blue Ribbon?
a. My dad used to drink it
b. I used to drink it
c. I only drink it ironically

10. How do you prefer to read books?
a. Nook, Kindle, or other e-reader
b. Good old hardcopies
c. I carry battered paperbacks of modern classics that I quote from at parties

9. Do you understand that irony is an abstract literary term and not a valid description of discrete behavior or events?
a. Yes
b. Yes
c. Totally putting that on a T-shirt

OK, let's total up your score!

If you chose mostly a's: You might be a hipster. Or you might not. There's really more to you than conforming to a handful of cliches.

If you chose mostly b's: You are not a hipster. And that's probably just fine with you.

If you chose mostly c's: You are not a hipster. You have a group of friends who think, act, and dress just like you do, and you annoy the crap out of everyone else. Seriously, knock it off. We all look back at our past selves and cringe a little, but you my friend are going to realize you were a total douchebag someday, unless you're so cripplingly unself-aware that you grow old believing that hairstyle looked good on you.

Thanks for taking my quiz!  It was fun!

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