Thursday, April 12, 2012

For Star-Crossed Lovers Everywhere

This Sunday marks the 100th anniversary of the sinking of the Titanic.

Thank you, The Onion.
Thanks to James Cameron's 1997 film, the entire world knows the tragic, romantic story of Jack and Rose, two passengers who didn't exist, and that damn Celine Dion song, which unfortunately has yet to hit an iceberg and sink into the icy waters of the Atlantic. Oh, and something something 1,500 people died, cool necklace and a drawing of Kate Winslet's titties.

Thank goodness there's nothing tacky associated with the tragedy.
The most important lesson of the Titanic - besides that travel by sea is fundamentally unsafe, which is why all goods and people are now transported via nuclear-powered jet pack - is the power of love. We didn't know crap about love until that ship sank. Bite me, Shakespeare, with your sonnets and your shrew-taming. The Titanic was all about the love. Nothing but 46,000 tons of love and really poorly-reinforced steel.

It proved surprisingly difficult to paddle away from the ship using love.
The 100th anniversary of the tragedy reminds us that love can flourish anywhere. And that icebergs can f*ck you up bad. But mostly the thing with the love.

I was reminded of that precious sentiment by an item I found in my latest trip to Tuesday Morning (home of the Chicken Lance Armstrong Dog Squeaky Toy). And as we approach the centenary of James Cameron's massive bank account, I thought I'd share it with you.

If this thing only played "My Heart Will Go On," it would be perfect.

Don't forget to raise a toast to the victims of the Titanic this weekend. Make it on the rocks.


  1. This will make you want to stab your eyes out... but it's kinda funny...

  2. Tell me again why I'm not Supreme Ruler of Earth?


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