Anyway, your employee handbook probably specifically addresses the issue of using drugs or alchohol at work. Here's what mine says about it:
Any Employee suspected of possessing, or suspected of being under the influence of, alcohol, an illegal drug, intoxicants, or a controlled substance (during working hours, while on premises owned or occupied by the company, or at any other location while conducting business on behalf of [redacted] and its affiliates and subsidiaries) is subject to have his/her personal and work property inspected and searched with or without notice.
Any Employee who reports to work under the influence of drugs or alcohol will be appropriately disciplined up to and possibly including termination (with the exception of over-the-counter or physician prescribed medications).Killjoys.
|This looks like a totally productive work environment to me.|
|Pulling a little red wagon filled with beer around the office |
surely fell within the intended scope of the policy.
|I loved that guy.|
Sadly, my former employer went out of business. It had nothing to do with the fact that we were a bunch of alcoholics. I'll say it was because of the tanking economy and not dwell on the gross incompetence of the people who ran the company. The less said about the gross incompetence of the people who ran the company, the better. In fact, who even mentioned the gross incompetence of the people who ran the company? Not me.
Technically, my former employer didn't go out of business. The company was bought by a competing firm. The new corporate overlords agreed to acquire all of the branch offices. Except mine. That one they closed and then they fired everyone who hadn't already been laid off. After stringing us along for several months. Oh, and this is not painful to write about at all.
It was at this point that the office booze really would have come in handy. I say "would have," because before we were unceremoniously thrown out on our butts after years of service during which we were consistently profitable despite our drinking habits, something terrible happened. In an attempt to keep our doors open, several months earlier we had downsized to a smaller office. We subleased a space from another company that had done some downsizing of its own and needed the rent money. It was a good arrangement, if by good you mean we had to work in very close proximity to our landlady, who was a complete psycho and also didn't allow alcohol on the premises. And she meant it.
|Perhaps I exaggerate. She wasn't this old.|
Anyway, flash forward to the present, past about a year and a half worth of depressing crap that will make a great movie starring Ed Harris as my heroic boss and Tina Fey as the psycho landlady. (Sounds like an Oscar contender already, doesn't it?)
|And there's just got to be a part for Owen Wilson.|
If you're wondering how any of that equals "tremendous growth," I have three words for you: Government contracts, baby.
However, I do not have alcohol stashed in my desk drawer. I don't drink on the job. When I did that before, it wasn't because of the stress or the long hours. It wasn't just because of that, anyway. It was because I had really cool people to drink with. And because we all worked really hard together and enjoyed taking a break from it together. And that was worth committing a firing offense for. Now, I'd just be sitting alone, drunk and miserable, wondering how things got to this point. I can do that at home.
|Right after I whip up the best darn chocolate layer cake in town!|
I'll drink to that. Later.