|Try doing that with a Honda Accord.|
So here are some cars I've seen that frankly make me throw up in my mouth a little.
Seeing this car on the road for the first time was a two-part bad joke. My first thought was, "What an unusual and rather awful sedan. I wonder what it is?" Then I saw the instantly recognizable Porsche shield on the back end.
Yes, Porsche makes a sedan. That looks like this.
|Kind of looks like one of the Hot Wheels your brother let you play with |
because it wasn't cool enough for him.
Also, Panamera may be the dumbest car name since the Volkswagen Tiguan. For $80,000, I want a car that doesn't sound like a Van Halen song.
Mercedes-Benz G Class
Speaking of Mercedes, here's a vehicle designed for people who think Land Rovers are too attractive and well-proportioned.
|Who says the Germans don't have a sense of humor? Oh right, everyone.|
I've tried - really, truly tried - to like the Boob Cube (that's like Slug Bug, except when you see one you hit...well, never mind). I give it points for thinking outside the box. The problem is, it is a box.
|I keep expecting to find Fisher-Price Little People inside.|
Honda Accord Crosstour
This one requires a special caveat. I loathe the Honda Accord. I will never, ever own one. There is a specific and wholly irrational reason I hate the Honda Accord; it has to do with a person I knew who drove one. He was a complete douchebag, and my brain has transferred all my negative feelings about him to the model of car he owned. That's completely unfair to a car that for decades has been nothing but well-made, dependable, and extremely popular. C'est la freaking vie.
Bottom line: Taking a Honda Accord and giving it a huge ugly ass was not a move designed to change my mind about the model.
|Joining the proud tradition of cars like the AMC Pacer, |
the Ford Pinto, and that butt-ugly Porsche sedan up there.
And the rest is history. Bland, unttractive history.
Cadillac Escalade EXT
Escalades are big, ugly SUVs. In my experience, they are most often owned by people whose driving skills are perhaps better suited to a small Hyundai or used Ford Taurus. But that's neither here nor there. Among all big, loud, ostentatious, unattractive Escalades, the EXT stands out because of some genius' decision that what an 18.5-foot-long SUV really needs is a truck bed in the back.
And even then, there's a specific detail that puts certain Escalade EXTs on this list. And that detail is: White Diamond Tricoat paint.
|Even pimps find this a bit over the top. And honey, you're no pimp.|
That's the list. I'll bet I could do another five if I drove around for a few days. P.S. There are no minivans on the list because I have trained myself to pretend they don't exist.