|$58 a gallon!|
Anyway, fun website. Check it out. Back to rant.
My position on the whole oil prices vs. gas prices thing is simple: Oil prices are high because commodities speculators are a bunch of greedy douchebags, and gas prices are high because oil company executives are a bunch of greedy douchebags. But oil company executives are bigger greedy douchebags. This, according to the findings of a new study that I just now conducted.
Even a math idiot like yours truly understands that when Big Oil's raw material (crude oil) gets more expensive, gasoline gets more expensive. I've eaten McDonald's hamburgers, and I've eaten good hamburgers, and I totally get why McDonald's is so affordable.
|Because clown meat is cheap and plentiful.|
Big Oil wants us to believe this for two reasons. First, the oil companies think we are all incredibly stupid and should demonstrate that by accepting their price gouging. Second, to paraphrase what oil company executives told Congress during hearings in April 2008 and May 2011, "Fuck you, we like money."
|Also, frickin' sharks with frickin' laser beams |
attached to their frickin' heads.
Fortunately, even the douchebag commodities traders couldn't keep up the buggering at that level for long, and like their wholly inadequate peckers oil prices soon deflated considerably. Since mid-2008, they've been all over the freaking place: as low as $67 a barrel, and recently as high as $116. As of yesterday, the price of a barrel of oil was about $103.
Meanwhile, gas prices also have fluctuated, hitting a low of $1.61 a gallon in January 2009 (remember that? God, that was awesome), only to bounce back as the oil companies pretended that the little bit of oil produced by Libya and not particularly affected by the recent uprising there somehow made it way more expensive for a refinery in Texas to do its job. Yeah, I know, fuck me, you like money. I heard you the first time, Big Oil.
Again, I'm not a math person. I don't even like watching TV shows with numbers in the title. Sorry, "90210."
|This show never had a chance with me.|
Of course, there are two sides to this coin, which I present in the interest of fairness and because they both make the oil companies look like assholes. In the last six months, crude oil has experienced a pretty significant upswing (because the brokers want us to think that democracy protests cause inflation). Since December 1, 2010, the price of a barrel of crude has increased by 21%. At the same time, the price of a gallon of gas has gone up...30%. I guess someone had to pay for all those BP bonuses that got handed out after the oil spill.
It gets better. From March 1 to June 1, crude oil went up by 5.5%. Gas prices went up by 10.5%, outpacing the actual increase in raw material price by almost 100%.
|Suggestion for new ExxonMobil logo. Too subtle?|
|Wow, they're like carbon copies of each other, |
if by "carbon" you mean "bad acid trip"!
By the way, both crude oil and gas have slipped recently. Industry analysts promise that the drop in gasoline prices will begin to accelerate. And I believe them. Or I will, as soon as I drink about $13.50 worth of vodka. I'm saving up for it right now.