Thursday, May 19, 2011

Thoughts from the Convalescent Ward

My medical advice for the day: When your convalescing Beloved Spouse tells you to go ahead and go to work because he can take care of himself...do not listen. He is jacked up on hydrocodone and, left to his own devices, will make hysterical phone calls to the doctor's office and yank out his catheter, and then it's back to the emergency room.

Sheesh.

Anyway, I'm hoping that most of the drama is now behind us. Fortunately, BelSpouse seems to be healing well, so if I can keep him from going off his rocker and taking me with him, we should start seeing progress toward normalcy in a week.

In the meantime, I'm just pondering random things, some related to my little world, some to the little world outside me.  I'm also pondering food and sleep, and how much I'd like to enjoy one or the other someday soon. Wish me luck.

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Remember how the Grateful Dead sang about "living on reds, Vitamin C, and cocaine"?

Those guys were wusses.

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So now Stephen Hawking says that Heaven is "a fairy story for people afraid of the dark."

When asked to elucidate further, Dr. Hawking also explained that "Hell is so gay" and made a rude comment about the interviewer's mother. Stay classy, Dr. H.

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A 47-year-old man is not 47 times more mature than a 1-year-old child. You'd think it would work that way. But it doesn't.

Not at any age.
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Arnold Schwarzenegger should have given Maria Shriver a better excuse for his behavior than "You're a Kennedy, so I figured you'd be OK with the screwing around."

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We've satisifed our health insurance deductible for the year. Great. Now when I hit myself in the head with a hammer, it'll be covered.

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Today is Pete Townshend's birthday. He wrote about 50 of my favorite songs ever, including this one:



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I'm currently reading Steven Tyler's memoir Does the Noise in My Head Bother You? He writes extensively about the way drugs made him crazy and paranoid and out of control, yet women loved him and he wrote amazing songs. I'm wondering if I could put a couple of scarves on BelSpouse and pretend his schizoid reactions to pain pills make him a rock star.

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If you're looking for something adorable, you can't go wrong with this whimsical drawing of a platypus family:

Nothing cuter than a marsupial in a hat.
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I've decided I could never be a nurse. There's no way I can keep a straight face when a man pulls down the bedsheets and says "Does this look normal to you?"

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And finally...GO MAVS! I got to see about 10 minutes of Game 1. I'm determined to see the whole game tonight. Which means I guess I can't break into BelSpouse's painkiller stash until tomorrow.

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