Saturday, May 28, 2011

Blogathon: Tony Romo's Wedding Day

So Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo - who in no way should be forever associated with this botched snap that knocked the 'Boys out of the playoffs in 2007 - is getting married today. His bride-to-be is Candice Crawford, a former beauty queen and local TV sports "reporter." Candice's brother is Chace Crawford of the CW's "Gossip Girls," a show I've never watched because I didn't know there was a network called the CW. Chace was busted last year for marijuana possession. In Plano. Which is kind of quaint, because with all the cheese and applejacks and whatnot they've got going up there, I'm surprised the Plano police even consider pot illegal any more. Anyway, I am totally not suggesting that Chace's reception toast will be "I'm not losing a sister, I'm gaining a lookout man."

At least one of these people is high, I'll bet.
No offense to Tony, but to me he always looks like the Italian kid who wasn't smart enough to join the Family Business. Maybe he's just not my type.

Now that's Italian.
Ms. Crawford, on the other hand, is very pretty. Very, very pretty. Not quite as pretty as her brother, but still, she was Miss Missouri in 2008.

Better than Tony did in 2008.
Shockingly, I wasn't invited to the wedding. So I'm going to keep the football-shaped chip-and-dip set I was going to give them. No invite, no gift, according to Miss Manners. Your loss, kids.

But I wish Tony and Candice all the best. I'm sure they'll be very happy together - she's got that $80,000 rock on her finger, and he's got that douchey new hairstyle he's been sporting.

You know those man-bangs were her idea.
Maybe he'll even have a job this fall if the NFL lockout goes away. Because otherwise, I'm afraid we're going to be seeing these two get their own reality show very soon. Look for Chace Crawford to make regular appearances. It'll be called "Beauty and the Beast and his Weed Connection."

Mazel tov, you crazy kids. You seem like the perfect couple. By the way, who's got the Vegas odds on whether the marriage will outlast the Cowboys playoff drought? I'll bet Jerry Jones would take that action. I wonder if he'd take my call?

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