You may have heard that Charlie Sheen has been doing live shows around the country. Or maybe you haven't heard because you've been encased in some kind of opaque, soundproof cube. I'm pretty sure coma patients have awakened asking about the "Violent Torpedo of Truth" tour as their first words. The Japanese people who have suffered at the hands of the earthquake and tsunami, for all their hardships and losses, at least have been spared the non-stop media blitz about Charlie and his goddamn live shows. (Text "REDCROSS" to 90999 to donate $10 to the Red Cross instead of buying a "Sheenius" t-shirt. Please.)
In any event, Mr. Sheen has had his ups and downs with this tour. After eight dates, audience reactions have gone something like this:
Meanwhile, here's a picture I found on TMZ over the weekend. It's Charlie after his (average) show in Connecticut. This is what winning looks like:
Go with me on this. My alternative theory is that Charlie has hired a homeless drug addict to be his media decoy/body double. And by "hired," I mean "pulled out of his cardboard box and pushed directly into the cameras without any attempt to clean him up."