Thursday, December 18, 2014

Called Like a Boss

I recently wrote about some issues I have with my boss, the Homunculus.

There's the little darling.

I had my review, by the way. I didn't perish. I got a pretty crappy raise, but that's because my company gives pretty crappy raises. The Homunculus himself was happy with me.

Anyway, to show that I'm not just a terrible person who writes shit about her boss (not just that), I'm going to tell you something that actually happened today that is really pretty adorable.

Benedict Cumberbatch has nothing to do
with this story, but what else do you
think about when I say "adorable"?

So even though I'm writing this on Thursday, today is my Friday. I'm taking a vacation day tomorrow, for a number of reasons. Precocious Daughter has a short day because of exams, I want to get some Christmas shopping done, I need to burn a few vacation days before I lose them, and I need to see my doctor. You do not want me to run out of Prozac, people.

I left the office, drove home, and found that PDaughter was bogarting the laptop. So I settled into my recliner with my phone...and saw that I had missed a call from the Homunculus. Jesus, man, I thought, I've only been away for 30 minutes, what do you WANT?

Definitely channeling my inner Basil Fawlty at that point.

The first thing he said, rather apologetically, was, "It's OK, I figured it out." Well, I had to know what had happened. So he told me the story:

"I was the last one in the office. And - you know my son is home from college. Well, I realized I had given him my set of keys that has the office key. So I couldn't lock up.

"I called [co-worker and loyal Drunkard] Pablo, because he had just left and I figured he could turn around and come back to lock the door. Instead he told me where you keep the spare keys in your desk, so that was good.

"Then all of a sudden the power went out, and it was pitch dark. But I knew that Pablo had a duffel bag in his office that had a flashlight in it. So I stumbled in there and rooted around for the flashlight. But I accidentally set off a can of neon-orange spray paint that was in there as well, and it sprayed all over my hand. I got the flashlight and made my way into the kitchen to wash all the paint off my hand. Then I went back into Pablo's office and shined the light and saw that the orange paint had gotten all over the carpet. So I found the Goo Gone and cleaned up that mess. Then I found the spare key and got out of there."

He sounded so amused and embarrassed. It really was sweet.

I'm not made of stone, people.
Then he wished me a good three-day weekend. And I told him he could call or text if he needed me tomorrow. Because he sort of melted me by being such a tremendous doofus.

Of course, if he calls or texts I'll probably be mysteriously out of range. But still. Sweet story, yes?

And now...three-day weekend! Woo-hoo!

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

I'm Dreaming of a Slow Christmas

These turtles want you to take it easy this Christmas.


Just slow down.


Christmas should be relaxing.


It's not a race.


Sure, the holidays can be stressful, but don't forget to rest.


It's easy to get wrapped up in everything.


And forget why we celebrate the season.


Breathe deep, and enjoy yourself.


Christmas will come, whether you stress or not. So don't.


And may all your Christmases be slow.