Saturday, December 10, 2016

I'm Going to Call This Tabexit, and You Can Totally Vote on It

Tabitha took over the blog last night, you guys.

As she does.
For the record, I'm a grown-ass woman, and if I feel like making a New Year's resolution, I will. And if I don't feel like it, I won't.

The great thing about New Year's resolutions is that they're not required, and they're only important if you decide they're important.

Maybe I should resolve to finally kick Tabitha to the curb in 2017. She doesn't actually do any work, you know? She seems to exist solely to give me a reason to occasionally go off my nut in this space.

Well, I don't need a surrogate to do that (unlike certain Presidents-elect I could name).

He hates when anyone posts unflattering pictures of him.
So I found this one.
Anyway, I wonder if any of you think Tabitha should stick around. Or if she should go. Or if you just don't give a shit either way.

You could let me know. I'm sort of on the fence. I mean, she's a convenient scapegoat for my worst instincts. But maybe I shouldn't need a scapegoat, right?

Poor lil goat.
Weigh in if you wish. On December 31, I'll either renew Tabitha's contract ad infinitum or ritually dismember her and burn her at the stake. I just don't know which at this point.

That probably has something to do with that New Year's resolution I was thinking about making.

It all goes together, you see.

Friday, December 9, 2016

Resolved...By Someone Else

Re: New Year's Resolutions.

I typically don't make them, only because I find them trite and also I don't like change.

Perhaps a minute bit of hubris is involved, as well.
But I thought this year I might take the symbolic leap of making a resolution, if for no other reason than to celebrate the concept of clean breaks, fresh slates, and 2017 not fucking being 2016.

Freaking arrogant white naked baby.

Until I was informed by someone close to me that New Year's resolutions are for the weak, the lame, and the failed.

So I guess I won't be doing that.

I guess instead I'll wait for some OTHER meaningful, arbitrary deadline to help me turn over a new leaf.

Goddamned Arbor Day, maybe.
Perhaps one of my resolutions should be to stop letting random people decide for me what is important and worth believing in.

Maybe next year/decade/century.

Anyway, this blogger certainly won't be looking to change anything about herself based on a metaphorically insignificant date that others consider an important symbolic time to make changes.

That would diminish me in the eyes of those who seek to diminish me...which is one of the things I'd like to change.

But maybe another time.

I will not be vowing to change anything on January 1st, 2017.

Stay the course.

Be strong.

Be the same in 2017.

Seems fitting, somehow.