Friday, May 18, 2018

Bang Bang Shoot Shoot

As of this writing, 10 people are dead in the latest  school shooting, which happened in my adopted home state of Texas.

Let's mourn the lives of one teacher and nine children.

And let me mention that this morning I attended Precocious Daughter's Senior Walk, at which she and her classmates were honored for their achievements. And received many well-deserved scholarships and accolades for their good deeds.

They are all alive this morning.

But nine students and a teacher are not.

Because the fucking National Rifle Association says so.

And does not care who dies to further its financial agenda.

Explain to me how the Second Amendment justifies the deaths of children and educators.

EXPLAIN IT TO ME.

Me and my double-digit children/nieces/nephews/honorary kids.

Explain how violent psychopaths have greater rights than smart, hard-working, accomplished, beautiful children

I DARE YOU.

Wednesday, May 9, 2018

Charity Begins on the Internet

Top Ten GoFundMe Campaigns That Didn't Reach Their Goal

10. Send My Nana to Pole Dancing Camp ($46 of $250 raised)

9. The Fender Blender (Make Delicious Smoothies While You Navigate the Pothole-Infested Streets of Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio) ($912 of $3,006 raised)

8. The Campaign to Obtain and Destroy All Existing Copies of Richard Harris' "MacArthur Park" and the Master Recording Too ($817 of $25,000 raised)

7. Let's Make Smoking Cool Again ($143.17 of $2,500 raised)

6. Help Me Self-Publish "The Festering Pustule of Hate in the Pit of My Soul: A Book about Feelings" ($25 of $3,200 raised)

5. Howie's Fund for Howard Goldblatt's Earlobe Transplant ($1,800 of $63,250 raised)

4. Need a New Steam Iron Please Help ($12 of $110 raised)

3. Cuddle Scales: The Thundershirt for Nervous Snakes ($122.50 of $4,000 raised)

2. Just Four Ounces of Halfway Decent Weed ($650 of $800 raised - so close!)

And the Number One GoFundMe Campaign That Didn't Reach Its Goal:

1. My Fucking Stepmom Screwed Her Way into My Dad's Will ($963 of $100,000 raised)

Thanks for your support.