Less Than Zero

Do you want to feel so much fucking better about yourself right now?

Well, all righty, then.

Give yourself one point if:

Last night your significant other did NOT go hang out at a club with some people you don't know and didn't even mention s/he was doing so.

Your teenager did NOT refuse to go school today because s/he "just wasn't feeling it," leaving you to go to work feeling like the world's worst fucking parent.

Your middle-aged white male boss did NOT take all the other middle-aged white male employees in the office out to lunch, not only not inviting you but simply walking past your desk without saying a word, as if you didn't exist.

You did NOT consume about a soda can's worth of vodka upon getting home from work because you can't deal with all the other shit that happened today.

Tally.

Did you get more than -6 points?

Congratulations, you're not fucked up.

For the record, none of that shit applies to me in the last 24 hours.

Probably I'm going to drink myself to death tonight.

Serves everybody right. PDaughter obviously would rather live with her dad, Drummer Boy has a life that has nothing to with me, and the goddamn white males at my job don't give a shit about anything I do.

I hope you guys got a perfect score.

I'm feeling less than zero.

Have a great weekend.

Friday Night Truth

Let's play a game, Drunkards.

Comment here or on my Facebook page with the answers to these questions. Tag other people whose answers you want to see. If enough of you respond, I'll post my own responses tomorrow.

Ready?

Let's play.

I love: __________

I hate: __________

I want: __________

I need: __________

I wish: __________

I don't give a fuck: __________

Go.

Are Your Facial Follicles On Fleek or Full of Fail? (QUIZ)

I promised you a facial hair quiz. Oh yes, I did.

Here it is.

Oh, and you can totally take it even if you're a woman or have no facial hair. We are ALL about inclusion here, Drunkards.

So take the quiz and see where your facial hair falls, on a scale of Pedro from Napoleon Dynamite to luscious model Ricki Hall (pictured).

If it glitches, let me know so I can fix it. Also, let me know how you rate.

Full disclosure: It's possible I used Drummer Boy as a template for perfection in this area. I'm sure you're still a very nice person if you don't measure up. Just sayin'.

Rate My Facial Hair - ProProfs » ProProfs Tests