Land of the Armed, Home of the Drunk

There's a Constitutional amendment that gives Americans the right to own guns.

There's also a Constitutional amendment that gives Americans the right to drink.

Let me say from the outset that two rights
can most definitely make a wrong.

Few question either right, although some strongly disapprove of one, the other, or both. But everyone gets to choose to exercise or abstain from their right to bear arms or knock back a cold one. That's how America rolls.

Yet despite the Constitutional mandate, the right to get your drink on is far from unrestricted. You have to be the right age. You have to be in the right place. And you definitely have to refrain from certain behaviors while under the influence.

Like driving. Or harassing/assaulting others. Or serving on jury duty.

And don't even think about combining these two Constitutional rights. IT'S A VERY BAD IDEA.

Please refer to my earlier caption.

Literally no one balks at the idea that drivers should be licensed, insured, properly trained, and subject to extensive regulation of their behavior behind the wheel.

But merely float the idea that perhaps gun ownership should incorporate similar public safeguards, and certain supporters of the Second Amendment go apeshit.

Shown here: Literal gorilla poop.

I personally don't get this. I mean, if I drink 12 shots of vodka and subsequently threaten a similarly drunken stranger with physical violence, I totally expect to be held accountable for my behavior. That's how law and order works.

According to the 57 shows bearing that name.

But if one person with a gun encounters another person with a gun, I'm supposed to have faith that one boasts moral superiority because they're a "good guy" and also because somehow their aim is automatically perfect because they believe they're John Wayne?

Yeah. So. I'm as wary of gun owners with a marksman complex as I am with drunks who insist they can "handle it."

I don't want to take away any American's rights.

I simply want to be confident that my personal right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness can't be destroyed in a split second.

I promise not to piss and moan that I can't down a handle of Smirnoff while driving down the freeway if 2A folks promise not to pretend that only pure-hearted, law-abiding citizens are able to obtain/use assault rifles.

Hi! The ability to shoot an assault rifle WAY outweighs
the lives of your loved ones! Signed, the NRA.

Right here, right now, gun people:

Tell me why the Second Amendment is inviolable to the rule of law but the Twenty-First Amendment can be abridged all to hell and gone.

Tell me why you pay a tiny group of people to advance the interests of gun ownership over all other American rights.

Tell me why you stubbornly believe that Americans have a right to self-defense, while simultaneously pushing the false narrative that a "good guy with a gun" is somehow the answer to preventing/thwarting crime in any and all settings, regardless of the danger posed to people by an untrained private citizen attempting to affect justice via a personal weapon.

Tell me why killing innocent people because I'm drunk driving is a terrible offense, but killing innocent people with a gun is somehow the price of freedom.

I'm honest to God listening.

I await your intelligent, reasoned responses.

For as long as it takes.

Requiem for #Tarpman

If you've been following the saga of the fucking idiots patriots who have occupied the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge in Oregon since January 2nd, you're probably familiar with the name LaVoy Finicum. Aka "#Tarpman." Aka "Guy Whose 11 Foster Children Who Acted As An Unpaid Labor Force to Support His Unprofitable Cattle Ranch in Arizona Were Taken Away from Him After He Abandoned Them to Play Vigilante."

Yeah, he's dead now.

And Ammon "Daddy Issues" Bundy and Jon "Incredibly Creepy Doll-Face Manchild" Ritzheimer and others are in federal custody. And although it may be too late for the Native American artifacts they desecrated while committing grand theft auto, trespassing, and vandalism, it seems the so-called Oregon Militia's siege of federal property may finally sputter to a limping end soon.

Apparently local, state, and federal law enforcement officials got together and decided that armed, belligerent protesters blatantly breaking multiples of laws should be dealt with, even if they are white Republicans.

Apparently those guys aren't above the law, once they flee a traffic stop and then charge at officers after running their stolen truck aground on a snowbank.

It's not enough that they illegally occupied government-owned property, seized government-owned vehicles and computers, and armed individuals whose felony status makes them ineligible to play Davy Crockett except with an enormous beer gut. It's not enough that the father and son they supposedly were defending asked them to leave, or that the Native Americans to whom the land belongs asked them to leave, or that a majority of the American citizens in the area around the wildlife refuge asked them to leave.

Because democracy is so much more than doing what the majority decides, you guys.

Anyway, looooooooooong story short, one asshole got himself shot to death, and the chief monkeys in the Oregon militia circus are now in custody. A few of the remaining vandals have vowed to keep up the fight. But I'm guessing that without Tarpman and Daddy's Boy and BigEyes SmallDick to lead them, they'll give up pretty quick. Especially once they run out of dildos.

Dildos being super-important to freedom.

Locking up these seditionist rednecks will not do a single thing to bring back the scores of innocent people killed by law enforcement in the last couple of years. But maybe, just maybe, it will provide a nugget of evidence that there is but a single system of laws in this country, and it doesn't favor white criminals over people of color who are minding their business.

To the family of LaVoy Finicum: I'm sorry for your loss, and I'm sorry that the person you're mourning was a deluded fucking idiot. That must be an extra burden at this difficult time.

Yo, Oregon: Do the right thing. Clear out this nest of scum and make your state safe.

God bless this thing we call America.