The Lovers, the Dreamers, and the Ink I May Never Get

It's Spring, when a middle-aged blogger's fancy lightly turns to thoughts of tattoos.

And just like that, Alfred, Lord Tennyson
scores another royalty.

Guys, I just checked, and I first wrote about wanting to get a tattoo almost seven and a half years ago. I wrote about getting inked most recently a few years back as I was about to turn 50. Because that seemed like a pretty good milestone to commemorate, plus I was divorced and independent and all that shit that makes people think a tattoo would be the most eloquent way to communicate their state of mind to the world, I guess?

KEEP CLAM.

I don't think I've mentioned this before (or maybe I have but I'm too lazy to look it up), but Precocious Daughter recently got a tattoo. An oversized Johnny Depp on the thigh is not the choice I would have made, but it's her grown-ass thigh.

It could have been worse,
getting-a-favorite-actor-tattoo-wise.

Anyway, I didn't get a tattoo for my 50th birthday. And now I'm approaching another birthday that isn't any kind of milestone. In fact, I think I'm done with all the milestone birthdays. No one gives a crap about turning 60 or 70, and I sure as hell am not going to hit 100. You can't tattoo wrinkly 100yo skin, even if I did.

I might get this if I lived to be 100, though.

But maybe it's best to get your first tattoo not because of the time in your life, but simply because it's time. Like a hey, I've got 200 bucks burning a hole in my pocket and there's a tattoo place on the corner kind of thing. I don't know. All of this is to say that me sitting for a tattoo is probably not imminent. But when and if that time comes, it's definitely gonna be Kermit the Frog.

That decision right there is a huge load off my mind.

Honestly, the suspense was killing me.

So...it may seem as if finally settling on a subject is moving me closer to the day. But what is really means is that I may very well spend the rest of my life happily narrowing down exactly which Kermit should take up permanent residence on my arm. Or shoulder. Or ankle.

That in itself is a decision that could push me well into the Social Security years, so I'm not even entertaining it for now.

This Kermit from "The Muppet Movie" is the avatar on my Microsoft account and holds a special place in my heart:

This Kermit is an illustration from a book called "The Sesame Street Book of Letters." It was one of the first Sesame Street books published way back in 1971, and I loved it when I was a wee tiny thing. I like this Kermit because he wasn't an icon yet, so the drawing is looser and less "branded" than he would become later:

There's also the straightforward head shot we all know and love, which is iconic but frankly a bit dull for a tattoo:

Or Kermit with a banjo, which is surely one of the top Kermits of all time:

I could go for a classic Kermit flail, although it would take a very talented tattoo artist to isolate and reproduce just the right moment out of this:

I could go more contemporary, of course. Like the now-legendary Kermit sipping tea, which has only been around since 2014, although it seems like much, much, much longer:

Nonplussed Kermit just might be my spirit animal:

Or I could reproduce this utterly charming Funko Pop figure of Jim Henson holding the frog he lovingly created and brought to life. This one has really captured my heart, to be frank:

Full disclosure: In researching this post, I came upon the above Funko on Amazon. It's possible that I recently had to spend most of the latest stimulus check on unexpected expenses, and it's possible that I just now used the credit-card points from those expenses to give myself the early birthday present of the above Funko figure because dammit I need to catch a break in this young but painful year of 2021.

Maybe when my Jim Henson and Kermit figure arrives, it will be enough to put it in a place of honor where I'll see it every day.

Or maybe I'll take it to a tattoo shop and say, "Ink this on me."

I'll let you know. It could happen any time in the next 20 years. Stay tuned.

Oh, and let me know which of these Kermits - or others - you recommend. Thanks!