|Never easy, but sometimes necessary.|
Drunkards, I was way off. I was, frankly, full of shit. I admit it.
In my defense, who would have guessed that Alec Baldwin's brilliant portrayal of Trump on "Saturday Night Live" would turn out to be a sensitive and restrained reflection of what The Donald would actually do once he took the oath of office?
|Quick, which one is the real Alec Baldwin?|
I stand before you tonight to say that my optimistic, sensible predictions about the Trump administration were complete bollocks. Nonsense. Bullshit. Left-wing dreams of a non-batshit-crazy America that simply doesn't exist.
Let me present my line-by-line predictions about the Trump administration and how terribly fucking wrong they've proven to be in less than three weeks.
1. It will turn out that Donald ruthlessly played both ends against the middle, and he will end up being a model moderate Republican, to the dismay of both his fans and his foes.
He's sold his soul to Satan, Lord of the Far Right, you guys. He (or the advisers he allows to speak for him) is democracy's worst nightmare.
2. He will subtly but definitively walk back his most controversial campaign promises (the wall, deporting Mexicans, banning Muslims, repealing the entirety of Obamacare), leaving it to Congress to make itself look bad by continuing to champion them.
The wall, the Muslim ban, the Obamacare repeal...all key initiatives in his first two weeks in office. Even GOP members of Congress are tugging at their collars and saying "Nyagh, nyagh, nyagh."
3. He will appoint an entire administration of traditional conservatives and let them operate autonomously, taking neither credit nor blame for their policy positions.
He's appointed hardline Christians and white supremacists at every opportunity. And he's gloating about the reactionary, bigoted positions they've taken on his behalf.
4. He will let Vice President Mike Pence take ownership of the most batshit right-wing initiatives Congress might promote.
Pence is emerging as the voice of reason in the administration. That's fucked up beyond belief, people. He supports conversion therapy and incest babies.
5. Melania will turn out to be a charming and gracious First Lady whose personal causes will be neither laughable nor shallow.
Melania has not been in Washington, D.C. since January 21. She hasn't made an official statement, put together a staff, or embraced a cause since becoming First Lady. And she's forced us to imagine what Donald does in that empty White House bed of his. Gross. Bad. SAD!
6. Barron Trump will unfortunately be subject to the same over-magnified, under-filtered scrutiny that has befallen all Presidential children. (It will be interesting to see who propagates the hate and who defends him.)
Apart from a few stray memes, folks are leaving Barron alone. I mean, he's a rich kid who attends private school in New York City. That's boring. Not that he doesn't have plenty of time to become a snotty, sullen, rebellious First Kid. But right now he's just the normal son of a billionaire. Yawn.
7. A subset of Americans will continue to be anti-Semitic, anti-gay, anti-liberal, anti-Muslim, anti-redneck.
Some days it seems as if every-damm-body has taken a side, but this is actually substantially true. I just wish the anti-Semite, anti-gay, anti-Muslim faction didn't hold the highest positions in our government at this moment.
8. America will not perish.
I believe this is true. But tbh, I wouldn't put money on it right now.
In conclusion, I believe in admitting when I'm wrong. Unlike certain POTUSes and their appointees. I guess I'll revisit these statements in a few months and see how much closer or further away I am from being correct.
I've never wanted more to be right about anything.
Good luck, America and the world.