Alphabet Goulash

Maybe you've heard about this whole A-Z blogging challenge for April. Basically, if you have a blog, you can commit to 26 posts, one for each letter of the alphabet. That leaves four days when I guess you can blog about numbers or Cyrillic characters or spend the day in bed masturbating to pictures of American Gladiators or whatever. Yeah, I haven't actually checked the rules.

Don't forget the sanity clause.
What, don't you believe in sanity clause?

So. I'm not doing that challenge. I've got some stuff going on my life right now that takes precedence over blogging daily. And it's hard to type with only one hand, since the other one is holding the fork that I'm currently sticking into my marriage.

It's done.

But never let it be said that Chuck Baudelaire won't pig-headedly bend the rules of a challenge to her own whim so that she can participate without actually doing it right. Because she will.

You want an alphabet? Here's an alphabet of what's on my mind right now. And you get it all in one shot...no waiting. You'll thank me around the middle of the month when everyone else is blogging about ostriches or Ovaltine or onomatopoeia and you're like, where's a hot photo of Nitro when you need one?

Oh, wait, here it is.

You're welcome.

A to Z Challenge My Way

A: alcoholic. I'm not one, but I can see how some people would be fooled.

B: bitch. Now one of those, I surely can be. But believe me, I've been called worse.

C: a four-letter word that is, for example, worse than being called a bitch and that I have been called, and by people who would know.

D: Dylan, Bob. I used to think Blood on the Tracks was a brilliant album about someone else's problems. Now I think it's brilliant from a first-person perspective.

E: evolution. It doesn't just happen over millennia. It's supposed to happen during your lifetime. When this life is over, I expect to either be a better person or grow tentacles.

F: failure. Embrace it, if only so its arms are pinned and it can't take a swing at you.

G: God. If the new $130 million First Baptist Church of Dallas Jesusarium is His idea of good stewardship and Christian values, then He's nuts.

Yes, this motherfucking thing is seriously a church.

H: Hell. If it exists, I'm probably being saved a nice warm seat.

I: insecurity. I haz it.

J: jam. I like blackberry, Pearl, and toe.

K: kiddo. Mine is the most precious person in my life, and surely the best thing I've ever had a hand in creating.

L: love. J. Geils says it stinks. Freddy Mercury says it kills. The Everly Brothers (and Nazareth) say it hurts, scars, wounds, mars.  The Beatles say it's all you need, and as usual, the Beatles trump all.

M: monkeys. Oh my gosh, I love monkeys.

So. Many. Monkeys.

N: Nutella. Probably the Beatles never tried this, or their song might have been much different.

O: order. Emerges from chaos, they say. At some point, therefore, I should have order out the wazoo.

P: perfection. I don't even know how that got on this list. Shoo. Go away.

Q: quit. What I feel like doing sometimes, but like so many other things in life, I'm no good at it.

R: regret. To gret again. If it has some other meaning, I'm not aware of it.

S: Snickers Peanut Butter Squared.

Just in case you're new here.

T: trouble. With a capital T and that rhymes with P and that stands for pool. I love "The Music Man."

U: up. As in, nowhere to go but.

V: vampires. Dracula or Count von Count. Sparkly little weenie-boys need not apply.

W: west. There's a feeling I get when I look there.

X: xanthippe. Look it up. Here, I did it for you.

Y: you. I thank, I love, I couldn't do it without.

Z: zoo. Haven't been to one in ages. Who wants to go? I hear they have monkeys there.

There you go. Now I have to find something else to write about for the rest of the month. You other bloggers have it so easy.